As a female, one of our weaknesses is that we often look to men to give us a sense of value. Not sure if the root of this is from good ol’ Eve who chose to eat the apple (an apple…really? Chocolate maybe..but an apple?….) or simply we have chosen to look to men instead of towards our Maker to give us our value. But one downfall and vulnerable place of a woman is to look at a man to give her the sense of worth, value, esteem. If you are noticed by a man, if you are pursued, if you are given attention, you feel valued and esteemed as a woman. If that is “removed,” you question your self worth and value. A man’s attention is often equated to being seen to our souls as valuable. However. When that attention is no longer present, does that imply that your value has changed?
Here are 5 simple reasons why you should never allow a man and his attention or lack of attention to determine your value….
1) You don’t know what he is going through personally
Work. Projects. Guy friends. Sports. A deadline. Anything could be occupying his attention. That is not to say to be naive in holding out for him in hopes of a relationship. His lack of attention could be related to not having that much interest in pursuing you. Which his fine. He has choices, you have choices. (See reason #4) But he also could be going through his own stuff. Just let it rest instead of it effecting your self-worth by using his lack of attention as a mirror towards who YOU are. You will always be you. You can date as many guys as you possibly can in your lifetime, but there is no replacement for YOU. People will come and go in your life…You might as well learn to be your best advocate.
2) He’s not a god. He’s imperfect too, with fears and insecurities and weaknesses.
Mr. Prince charming has his own battles to fight. We are all human with our fears, our insecurities, the things we are working through. Men may process and handle things differently than women do, but they still go through their own stuff. Darling listen to me – if you determine your worth based on the amount of attention a man is giving you, you will have to rely on him even through marriage to give you the sense of worth and value. And he’s not up to that task. Now paying attention to one another in a relationship is TOTALLY different (and necessary). But I’m talking about looking towards this man and how he acts towards you as a basis of your self-worth. He just can’t do that for you. In dating…and especially in marriage. Learn to develop yourself as the first and foremost.
3) Seasons change. Opinions change. Emotions change.
True story: Through my dating experiences, I have had two gentlemen who at the time didn’t seem to have my interest in me, come back around in a different season and admit that either they liked me but had other things going on. Or they were in a new position in their life that enabled them to pursue something. Or….at the time, things just weren’t right. Ironically, my feelings HAD changed. But it pointed back to their “rejection” or “denial” really had nothing to do with me. Seasons change. Emotions change. All of this to say…don’t take things personally. I am NOT saying wait around for a guy because it just might not be the right time. No darling…live your life. What I AM saying is…just don’t take things personally. If he’s not giving you attention, do not let it effect your self-esteem. You do not have the capacity to see the whole picture. The only reason you take things personally is you believe that you aren’t good enough. Deal with that belief.
4) Everyone has their flava’
You can find someone attractive but not be attracted TO them. That’s okay. Everyone has their flavor. It doesn’t mean you are any less attractive. Be YOU. It is a possibility that you just aren’t his flavor! That does not decrease your value or your own unique beauty in any form or fashion. I have a weird taste – like physical taste – with foods. I combine the most odd foods together. Most people, especially my brother, think I am crazy. But to me its delicious! Everyone has their unique flavor. Don’t get hung up if you’re not just his flavor. Be you.
5) Your value is not based upon an immortal
I’ve saved the best for last. Honey, listen to me. The man you are looking at is just as imperfect as you. He’s got his hang-ups. He wakes up with bad breathe. He’s not as constant and stable as you would want him to be (even if he is an emotionally stable guy). If you want to look for your value, find something that is higher than you. That is unchanging, constant, stable. You want to base and determine a fact not on the instability of a changing and evolving object…but on the stability of a constant. Your God is the only one who has been, is, and always will be constant. Look to Him.
Bottom line: As a confident woman who has learned to care about herself and respect herself and actually LIKE herself, you should never take anything personally.
Dating can be a roller coaster at times. Its difficult to open your heart and “like” someone ~ how you WANT their attention. But hopefully this article is a good reminder that while you may want his attention, you cannot depend on his attention. Do not base his attention on anything regarding who YOU are.
Live your life, beauty. There are far too many more adventures and chapters of your story to write then to be stuck in a castle, waiting for him to notice you…