The power of MY sexuality

A woman’s body was made shapely, curvy, beautiful in my opinion. Men like the female body because it is different than their own.  I like to think of the female body being curvy because of all the dimensions that a woman carries ~ A woman has an amazing ability to “carry” multiple things at once.  She also has the form to carry out these tasks with dignitiy and grace.  Continue reading


Hannah’s Cry

Psychological-Side-of-InfertilityLately my heart has been on the ones who have attempted to get pregnant, who have tried everything possible, and are still waiting.  Some have received negative reports from the doctors, stating that even their 1% chance of pregnancy is slim.  I have friends who have been given words and promises from the Lord that they WILL bear a child.  They are courageously believing the word of the Lord over any reports of man. And I personally know people who were once told that they could not conceive but now have children (several several stories)! Yet even with these stories of hope, promise, and encouragement, even with KNOWING that one day you will have a child, I know that there are still times of struggle.  That is what I want to address today. I know that as a single person, I receive a lot of “christineze” statements. Statements that are supposed to be a healing balm, but really are just answers so that the void of mystery and not-knowing is filled with “something.”  

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There is no guarantee…and God is still good.

dust2I will first start off by saying this is not a “feel good” article. This is raw writing ~ with honest emotions, no hiding under any blanket of comfort. Raw and honest with life. But even greater and more powerful than the rawness of humanity and frailty is the reality of the goodness of God. And that even in the raw-ness…there is hope.

It wasn’t until this past season where almost everyone close around me was experiencing instability, uncertainty, and trials like never before that I saw the rawness and lack of security of what we have in this life. The “dust of the earth” became more of a reality to me.  The grasp we think we have is never a grasp at all. The control we think we have is no control at all.

It is extremely easy and deceptive to think that “this” or “that” will provide some form of security. An unshakeable fortress, if you will.  Even looking at friends lives, especially the Facebook newsfeed, appear to show lives with such security, comfort, and stability. Those looking on the “news feeds” of others could perceive that others have better circumstances, more stability, more security. When the reality of life is – there is no guarantee in anything. There is no guarantee that “this” will be here tomorrow.

Is He enough?

I personally have never looked at life this way until recently. It wasn’t until this past season where I knew going into a situation of much sacrifice that there still wasn’t any guarantee. That God and God alone had to be my security. One day I woke up and realized – There is no guarantee in this.  That I had to believe in God’s love for me enough to know that His love was the only guarantee I had.

The Bible tells of a story – a man named Joseph who was placed in prison for 13 years – AFTER being betrayed by his own family. When I think of being in prison for 13 years I think – How in the world did he make it? The only thing we are told is…”And God was with him.”  God’s presence alone sustained him, got him through, day in and day out.

Is God’s presence enough to sustain us?
Is God’s presence enough of a guarantee?
Is God’s presence enough to let us know that we are never alone, never forsaken?

As much as we think that we can, we cannot plan out our lives with the security that what we have set in place will be there. Its the humble awareness that we truly belong to the care of Another. That the only form of control that I truly have is through my choice to lean into God…and only into God. Nothing or no one will ever be able to bring us security and nothing is ever guaranteed.

To reach a place where you believe that God is good enough that he is ALL to grasp onto…

Anxiety and worry has always been a stronghold for me. And I hate it. It steals, it kills, it destroys. It creeps into my life and at times literally paralyzes me from living a full, abundant life. Recently I was in a situation where I wrestled and struggled with anxiety – and anxiety was winning. One day on a walk I heard the Lord’s voice speak “Who is your God?” And He was serious about it. As the thoughts of ‘what if, ‘what could be’ ran through my mind, I heard God address it and say – Who is your God?

The problem with our grasping, the problem with our anxieties, is that deep down we question – God, do you see? God, do you know? God, do you hear? We question God’s heart towards us. Can we get to a place where we believe that God is good enough in that He is ALL we grasp onto? That He is THAT good. That we do not need to grasp onto anything else BUT Him…

“You sleep well because you know you are loved…”

Recently I saw the movie “Exodus: Gods and Kings” This one line caught me, as Ramses spoke over his sleeping son – You sleep well because you know you are loved…  Can we get to a place where we are so secure that God Himself is our guarantee. To believe that He is THAT committed to us. He laid His life down to demonstrate —You have all of Me. What would make me not trust the hands that still have the proof of being wounded and pierced for me? How could I not trust that sacrificial love?

When I realized and accepted through my situations that there was no guarantee, an interesting thing occurred. A new-found freedom came to me. I “grabbed on” to everything in my life with a looser grip. I realized that “this” could not provide any security for me, just as much as holding onto a chunk of sand would be able to stay in my grasp.  It too could be here one moment and gone the next.

And now…I am choosing to live in the belief, every single day, that I am deeply loved by a God that is unshakable.  With Him as my security, holding on only to Him, I too could sleep at night, every night, no matter what was going on.  That though things may be uncertain, I am certain of this: I am loved, thoroughly loved, and that the God of Love will continually be with me, in all things.  That He DID see.  That He DID know. That He DID hear.  And that His love alone would continually provide all things that I need in my life.  Though in “this” life there is no guarantee…I have one unshakeable guarantee: The Love of God will never fail me. I am loved.  He is with me.  And that Love is enough to sustain me…through and through…



5 reasons why a woman should never allow a man’s attention to determine her value

As a female, one of our weaknesses is that we often look to men to give us a sense of value. Not sure if the root of this is from good ol’ Eve who chose to eat the apple (an apple…really? Chocolate maybe..but an apple?….) or simply we have chosen to look to men instead of towards our Maker to give us our value. But one downfall and vulnerable place of a woman is to look at a man to give her the sense of worth, value, esteem. If you are noticed by a man, if you are pursued, if you are given attention, you feel valued and esteemed as a woman. If that is “removed,” you question your self worth and value. A man’s attention is often equated to being seen to our souls as valuable.  However.  When that attention is no longer present, does that imply that your value has changed?

Here are 5 simple reasons why you should never allow a man and his attention or lack of attention to determine your value….


1) You don’t know what he is going through personally

Work.  Projects.  Guy friends. Sports. A deadline. Anything could be occupying his attention.  That is not to say to be naive in holding out for him in hopes of a relationship.  His lack of attention could be related to not having that much interest in pursuing you.  Which his fine.  He has choices, you have choices. (See reason #4)  But he also could be going through his own stuff.  Just let it rest instead of it effecting your self-worth by using his lack of attention as a mirror towards who YOU are.  You will always be you.  You can date as many guys as you possibly can in your lifetime, but there is no replacement for YOU.  People will come and go in your life…You might as well learn to be your best advocate.

2) He’s not a god. He’s imperfect too, with fears and insecurities and weaknesses.

Mr. Prince charming has his own battles to fight.  We are all human with our fears, our insecurities, the things we are working through.  Men may process and handle things differently than women do, but they still go through their own stuff.  Darling listen to me – if you determine your worth based on the amount of attention a man is giving you, you will have to rely on him even through marriage to give you the sense of worth and value.  And he’s not up to that task.  Now paying attention to one another in a relationship is TOTALLY different (and necessary).  But I’m talking about looking towards this man and how he acts towards you as a basis of your self-worth.  He just can’t do that for you.  In dating…and especially in marriage.  Learn to develop yourself as the first and foremost.

3) Seasons change. Opinions change. Emotions change.

True story: Through my dating experiences, I have had two gentlemen who at the time didn’t seem to have my interest in me, come back around in a different season and admit that either they liked me but had other things going on.  Or they were in a new position in their life that enabled them to pursue something.  Or….at the time, things just weren’t right.  Ironically, my feelings HAD changed. But it pointed back to their “rejection” or “denial” really had nothing to do with me. Seasons change.  Emotions change. All of this to say…don’t take things personally.  I am NOT saying wait around for a guy because it just might not be the right time.  No darling…live your life.  What I AM saying is…just don’t take things personally.  If he’s not giving you attention, do not let it effect your self-esteem. You do not have the capacity to see the whole picture. The only reason you take things personally is you believe that you aren’t good enough. Deal with that belief.

4) Everyone has their flava’

You can find someone attractive but not be attracted TO them. That’s okay. Everyone has their flavor. It doesn’t mean you are any less attractive. Be YOU.  It is a possibility that you just aren’t his flavor!  That does not decrease your value or your own unique beauty in any form or fashion.  I have a weird taste – like physical taste – with foods.  I combine the most odd foods together.  Most people, especially my brother, think I am crazy.  But to me its delicious!  Everyone has their unique flavor.  Don’t get hung up if you’re not just his flavor.  Be you.

5) Your value is not based upon an immortal

I’ve saved the best for last.  Honey, listen to me. The man you are looking at is just as imperfect as you. He’s got his hang-ups. He wakes up with bad breathe. He’s not as constant and stable as you would want him to be (even if he is an emotionally stable guy). If you want to look for your value, find something that is higher than you. That is unchangingconstant, stable. You want to base and determine a fact not on the instability of a changing and evolving object…but on the stability of a constant.  Your God is the only one who has been, is, and always will be constant.  Look to Him.

Bottom line: As a confident woman who has learned to care about herself and respect herself and actually LIKE herself, you should never take anything personally.

Dating can be a roller coaster at times.  Its difficult to open your heart and “like” someone ~ how you WANT their attention.  But hopefully this article is a good reminder that while you may want his attention, you cannot depend on his attention.  Do not base his attention on anything regarding who YOU are.

Live your life, beauty.  There are far too many more adventures and chapters of your story to write then to be stuck in a castle, waiting for him to notice you…